When I was 17 or 18, just preparing to leave home for the first time, I was hit one day with the reality that I was coming to the end of all that I had known. Sure, it was a bit dramatic, but I was a teen gal. I had this little epiphany as I was looking at my whole family; I realized that I would soon move out and start on my own adult life (well Eric and I were already a couple, but you get the idea) and I would no longer have that exact life anymore. A life that was home.
Of course now I could wax poetic about the beauty in the transient nature of life, but back then I was filled with a deep and sucking sadness. My brother Sam, then not quite six years old, was at the heart of this sadness. I felt as though I was being a bit cheated. I had gotten a normal brother/sister relationship with my other brother Ben who was closer in age--we'd played and fought and bonded, but I knew I was really missing a lot with Sam. Sam couldn't understand why his big sister, the one he called MomIMeanMaria, was leaving. Ouch it still hurts just to write about it.
Let's fast forward. Over the years we've found our way to stay connected as a family. Ben and his wife Sara see us frequently (thought not frequently enough) while the rest of us are now living in the same town. We have all worked really hard to be a part of each others lives.
is where I was. He's 17, planning to go off to college on his own next year. He's on the brink.
For now though he spends his mornings with Cordelia and I. He has a break between his classes at the high school and he comes over to my place and just talks. We take walks, play with Cordelia, have coffee, eat lunch, listen to music, whatever. I love seeing the person he is, the one he is becoming. In the back of my mind I know that this isn't forever and that is why I am soaking up every little moment of it. I am also so excited to see where he goes, where life takes him and I hope that the road always leads him back to his family.