Insomnia: A Little Me Time

I think it started around 4am, that tickle of responsibility, both real and imagined. I opened my eyes and peered up at the sickly green glow that comes from our clock, a glow that seems to increase in intensity, eventually illuminating the entire bedroom. What at first appears as a dark bedroom slowly transforms into a strange sci-fi flick...green light and shadows seem to spill out from every direction.

I listened to the cycles of breath that seemed to come from all around me, human and animal. What woke me? Oh yes, that little incessant voice of my insomnia, the one that whispers about things that need to be accomplished, things left undone. I slammed my eyelids closed, pressing the lids together hoping to just drift back into the quiet of a dreamless sleep, as though the force of my eyelids closing could hold back that flood.

Sleep didn't return. Instead I began to compile ridiculous lists of tasks that stretched into an uncertain future months and years down the road. My busy brain was just getting warmed up. I have dealt with my insomnia for my entire lifetime. While I have come to realize that there is no "cure" I have developed some coping strategies.

Once I realized that there was no hope for a drift off I decided to employ my emergency insomnia response strategies. Rather than trying to move beyond the list that was beginning to grow I decided to face it head on, to acknowledge each and every thing that seemed so very important.

First there were the looming deadlines (teaching, graduation application, the art show next month, etc.). I took a moment to consider them, made some plans of attack and then moved on. Next there were the vague plans about the future (yoga teaching certification, publishing, returning to Montana). I took a deep breath and managed to see those ideas through to their conclusions. Finally there were the nonsense thoughts (what if the battery in the fire alarm that Eric just changed less than a week ago is dead?). I let those thoughts run wild and focused rational thought on those silly notions, watching them disappear into the greenish 4am shadows.

I then closed my eyes again, liberated from the nonsense. Breathing deeply, matching my breath to the many rhythms of sleep going on in the bedroom. I knew that I was too alert to fall back to sleep, but I decided to just focus on breathing and resting. Even though my mind wouldn't let me free of wakefulness I could still rest my body. I lay there, confident that morning would soon arrive, meditating and keeping my busy mind at bay. Eventually I turned on a little reading light and started to read, using the last bits of silence just to enjoy time to myself.

I got up before everyone else, even Bumblebee stayed in her bed, giving me a wimpy little wag before she fell back to sleep. I took a little more time to myself. Sure, I may be a little tired, but I also kind of feel like I've had some much needed "me time."

Do you struggle with insomnia? How do you deal with it?

Listen Close to Me

Listen to the Mustn'ts , child, listen to the Don'ts.
Listen to the Shouldn'ts , the Impossibles, the Wont's.
Listen to the Never Haves, then listen close to me.
Anything can happen, child, Anything can be.
-Shel Silverstein

Eric

I really love this guy.

A Find!

I've been thrifting a lot lately for Wyoming Rose, but a couple of days ago my mom and I made a little discovery that I just couldn't part with. Hidden in the jewelry case was a vintage charm bracelet.

I loooove it!

Check out the lie detector.

The scissors open and close.

I just can't figure out what on earth that thing is between the keys and the diary. Any ideas?

Also, I have just started a little side blog with my mom to showcase our Wyoming Rose finds. I am currently tweaking the design, but it is up and running.We will have lots of coupons, discounts and giveaways. Please sign up to follow! Click here to check it out. Thanks!!!

Coloring

Recently my daughter started coloring with crayons. I lay out a piece of paper, unroll the crayon holder and let her have at it. She chatters away as she colors. Blue, brown, green are all called out proudly. She quietly ignores the word pink, though she will use the color. Her little hand deftly swipes the crayon across the paper. "Coloring," she'll say or "art mama," as she works going around the piece of paper set before her.

Eventually she will tire of drawing and she will ask me to draw for her. Truthfully she doesn't ask, she just shoves the crayons in my face and points to the paper, tapping with her index finger. I will draw flowers, birds and anything else that she might easily recognize. "Bowpers," she calls out. I understand that bowpers means flowers for this little lady.

Once we are all done with the coloring she walks over to the wall and points up to where she wants me to hang her work. "Art," she confidently states as I install the newest piece into the Cordelia gallery. We have already gotten quite a collection going, so I am starting to send out her drawings to friends and family.

What kind of creativity have you been up to?

Also, I have just started a little side blog with my mom to showcase our Wyoming Rose finds. I am currently tweaking the design, but it is up and running.We will have lots of coupons, discounts and giveaways. Please sign up to follow! Click here to check it out. Thanks!!!

I Will Remember the Mood of Yesterday

Yesterday afternoon was one of those wonderful types of afternoon. There was nothing particularly memorable, no major events---unless you call a quick walk in the snow with a basset and a toddler (yes I said toddler--not baby) an event.

I will probably forget all about this specific day, but I will remember the mood. I will remember that at this time in my life I spent many afternoons in just about the same manner. We played. We colored. We rolled around on the floor. I graded papers. She slept. The animals slept. There was music. There was silence. There were tears (hers). There was laughter (ours). It was perfect because it just was, one of many for which I am thankful.

What was your afternoon like?

Kindness Bandit: Library Sneaks (Bonus: Update on Big Project)

Have you ever found somebody's notes in a book that you've bought at a garage sale or used bookstore or one that you've checked out from the library? Usually the notes are kind of dull, perhaps taken for a class. I love finding a book with passages that have been underlined. I contemplate the passage, wondering why it was chosen by a mysterious reader from the book's history.

Today's Kindness Bandit was inspired by that very idea. It just so happens that I have several research books checked out through inter-library loan. The books are from Indiana, Colorado, Utah, New York and more.I thought this would be a great opportunity to spread the Kindness Bandit across the U.S. Instead of marking the pages of a library book I inserted some sticky notes on which I had written various proverbs and quotes that I like. Now, when I return the books they will carry little messages of inspiration. Who knows, maybe the notes won't be found for a decade or more!

Bonus: I just wanted to give you an update on our group project. I have received almost all of the donations, just waiting on a few more which are in transit. I should be able to deliver by next week! I can't wait to share with you just how successful this project has been!

Drawn to Simplicity

I am drawn to the idea of simplicity, really drawn. When I was a girl I would envision living in a cave or tree or even a nice cozy thicket with a deer family. I would imagine making bowls out of clay baked in the sun and eating food I foraged from the forest floor (or delivered to me by a friendly forest creature). Maybe I had just read too many survivalist novels as a child. You know the kind of novel I mean, a young girl finds herself stranded in the wilderness and has to learn to survive on gumption alone.

Since becoming a parent those old feelings have been revived to some degree. I think it has something to do with all of the stuff that seems to follow children like a comet tail of detritus. Admittedly it's not fair to blame it all on parenthood. I have craft clouds and art bombs that have settled throughout our house and Eric and the animals all contribute as well. Even though we are plagued with stuff I think most people would say that we live a fairly simple life. I would just be happier to have less stuff. Less to clean. Less to care for. Less to be strewn about. Less to take up my precious time and energy.

Recently I watched a documentary on the Amish. I learned that the reason they incorporate some technology into their way of life and not others (engines on tractors yes, phones in houses no) is because they have carefully weighed its advantages and disadvantages and after a period of time they make a choice about whether said technology will interfere with their way of life. If they can use the technology without impeding their values they will, if not then they don't. I really like that idea, a little thoughtfulness about the new stuff we bring into our lives.

Lately I have been giving a lot of thought to these kinds of things, trying to pull out the values that are important to my family, giving them a name, and trying to find a way to let the other nonsense fall to the wayside. Part of me wants to just live in a yurt and grow my own foods, writing and spending time with the family. I know that is something of a strange daydream, but I believe there is a way to find a good balance. I am just finding my own path to simplicity.

How do you find the appropriate balance in your life?

Head on Her Shoulders

I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks.
-Steve Martin

A Few Things About Her

Today is entirely self-indulgent. I also wanted to do a Cordelia post for friends and family who have not been able to visit as of late. So here are a few things about her:

• She likes to sit on the coffee table, munch on soy cheese and watch an episode of Wonder Pets on Netflix each morning.
• She says both "Cool" and "Creepy"
• She loves to play dress up and look at herself in the mirror. She also has learned to "model" for Wyoming Rose. When we put handmade clothes on her she runs in front of the white wall and poses (we have created an adorable monster).
• She is so very affectionate. She gives hugs and kisses freely.
• She likes to roar like a lion, but she whisper roars.
• She knows how to say "please" and already uses it to manipulate us.
  
• She can count to 2 (genius). She knows hundreds of words and will usually try and say whatever we ask her to. Although when she wants a drink she just smiles and makes a gulping sound.
  
• She loves to get into mischief, giggling as she does it. We definitely have an independent spirit on our hands.

So, there you have it a little update on our gal.

Pretentious? Perhaps...

Eric and I are in the final stages of prep for our gallery show next month. Somewhere in the middle of December we had the crazy idea of taking our joint show to the next level. We came up with an entire theme and then decided to tie it all together within an art film which will also show at the gallery opening.

For the last couple of weeks Eric and I have been busy with filming and costume design and all that goes into any serious art film.

Now Eric is knee deep in the editing process and I am finishing the last few pieces. All of our film making got me jazzed on some art films from the past. Care to watch a few? They are all really short if you're interested/bored.

Some Pretentious Art Films for Your Viewing Pleasure:

• Un Chien Andalou (here is a link to a short version with a new soundtrack)by Salvador Dali and Luis Bunuel
  
• The Man With the Movie Camera by Dziga Vertov
  
• Ballet Mecanique by Fernand Leger
  
• Anemic Cinema by Marcel Duchamp
  
• Rhythm 23 by Hans Richter
  
• Six Figures Getting Sick by David Lynch

Have you already seen any of these? I like to force them upon my unsuspecting students!

The "Tonight Jar"

Around 3pm every day without fail one of us will ask,"So what's the plan for tonight?" Sometimes there is an answer. Last night it was that we both had to do some editing on our papers and then some work on a film for the upcoming gallery show which is next month. Other nights we kind of shrug our shoulders and have no idea how we will spend our evening. Sometimes it is no big deal to laze about with nothing going on, but other times it can get dull.

So we came up with a little solution that I like to call the tonight jar (brilliant name if ever there was one). You may recall that we get pretty nutty about theme nights. We came up with a list of about 20 different ideas or themes. We left them all fairly vague so there was plenty of room for interpretation. Then we tossed them all into the jar. When we are bored we can just draw an idea from the jar and have at it.

A small sampling of some of our ideas


The jar


The jar

So there you have it. Feel free to steal the idea if you find yourself without any plans tonight! What do you do for a fun evening with the family?

More Than Expected

On Monday I posted that I expected a very laid back Valentine's Day because my hubby and I are more spontaneous than all that---and then we did celebrate spontaneously. I spent my morning sending Eric several ridiculous e-cards (one featuring a cartoon Dionne Warwick).

First, my parents stopped by with flowers for me and a balloon and raspberries for Cordelia. She was in HEAVEN. She wouldn't [won't] part with the balloon all day, not for food, fresh diapers, etc.

With balloon (or boon in Cordelia speak)

Later Eric called to let me know he was on his way home and that he'd had kind of a bummer of a day. So that settled it. I took one look down at my outfit which featured crusty gunk from Cordelia's lunch and I decided that I needed to take that business to the next level.

I changed into a dress made by my Great Grandma Rose, threw out a tablecloth and put on some music. When Eric came home he joined in the festivities, donning his "smoker's jacket". He also brought home some gifts for his girls including: tulips, chocolate, wine and a stuffed pooch for Cordelia.

Valentines

C'est moi


Handsome husband

I will admit that we had not planned for a special dinner, so I decided to just have a simple salad and some whole wheat pasta (romantic I know). A simple, but tasty, vegan dinner. Regardless of the less than fancy cuisine we managed to have quite a lovely dining experience.

The dinner table


My dinner party


Une Salade


Pasta


Me

Almost immediately after dinner we all changed into our comfy clothes and spent the rest of the night lounging around. I also ate a lo of vegan chocolate.

So, as you can see we ended up having a rather lovely Valentine's Day. What did you do?

Kindness Bandit: Help Part 2 of 3

Well I really need to start today's Kindness Bandit with a huge

thank you

(see it is literally a huge thank you because of the fancy font)! Last week when I asked for a little help I was expecting maybe a couple of responses, but I had over a dozen people from all over the world offer their support. I can't even begin to express my heartfelt gratitude. I will never lose faith that I live in a world with good and decent people. Thank you so very much!

So, now I am getting it all together as I contribute my own gifts and wait for yours to come in. I have decided that the best way to deliver the package of assembled gifts will be to mail it with a note that reads:

Here are a few things we thought you could use. Please pass on whatever you can't make good use of.

My goal with this note is to have her think that perhaps a friend delivered it and just forgot to add his/her name. I don't want this family to think that they've been noticed as being in need of charity. I would hate to embarrass them!

This week I am making up a few gifts and adding my own special touch to this rather large project. I can't wait to see what you have all come up with. If you still want to contribute it is not too late, just send me an email and I will get you the info.

Thanks again! I really mean it!

Valentine

The first Valentine's Day that really struck a chord with me was in 4th grade. A boy named Eric (not my Eric) gave me a fabric rose as a gift. I gave him an MC Hammer tape that I had recently purchased at a gas station while I was there to buy a Crystal Clear Pepsi. I don't remember his reaction, but I am certain he was impressed with my cutting edge musical tastes.

Then in high school I remember watching as all of the girls in my class were delivered flowers throughout the day. I never was (oh the trauma), but I imagined that someday Valentine's Day would be a big deal. My future husband would shower me with roses and chocolates and love letters full of promise and meaning.

The thing about it is that it isn't that way at all.

This morning as we were going about our Monday morning business I said, "Oh hey, it's Valentine's Day."

"Oh yeah," said my Valentine of over 13 years.

My Valentine at work on a recent film project

Now don't get me wrong, we do the whole flowers, chocolates and love letters business, but rarely on Valentine's Day.

Also, we have our own little living Valentine...

Our Valentine

However, now that I am on the subject I will probably dress up and make us a nice family Valentine's Day dinner tonight. I might even break out the good china, watch out!

Are you a celebrator of Valentine's Day? If so, what are your plans?

Grandmother

It is as grandmothers that our mothers come into the fullness of their grace. ~Christopher Morley

Tips From Mothers (Please Contribute) +Soule Mama Interviews WY Rose!

Yesterday evening I put two bibs on Cordelia. She was having V8 juice (she loves the stuff) and my little lady seems to think that she should be able to do it all by herself at this point. However, her little 16 month old body isn't always steady. She will hold the cup, filled with red juice, her hands shaking, her focus---um lacking-- as she lifts the cup to her mouth. I watch in amusement as the juice pours out of the corners of her mouth, cascading down the front, pooling in her lap. I am always shocked at how much mess she can make with a few ounces of liquid.

So as you can see a bib is certainly called for. Why the second bib? Well, we have a wide variety of bibs, some big and some small--the result is that there is either a neck gap or a large area of tummy asking to be stained by V8. So, somewhere along the line I had a maternal moment of genius, like a bolt of lightning to my brain (OK that is really over-dramatized) when I realized that I got a lot more coverage when I doubled up. I haven't tripled up...yet.

Anyway, I was thinking about all of those little flashes of maternal brilliance and I thought, perhaps we could pool our collective knowledge and turn into super-genius mothers. Below are a few of our discoveries, but I am really interested in hearing yours.

• Double up on bibs when there is incomplete coverage.
• V8 is a great breakfast drink.
• Vintage scarves in a box = endless entertainment
• Teaching your child how to wipe up spills on the floor feels a little bit like child labor, but it is soooooo rewarding.
• When you have a baby music lover who won't sleep, Youtube videos are AWESOME. We literally bore her to sleep with our music.
  

OK, so there are just a few things that we have learned. What can you add to this list?

ALSO!!! Check out our Wyoming Rose interview on Soule Mama. There is a giveaway and a discount!!!!!!!!!!!

Bargain

My middle brother Ben is quite a haggler. He has no difficulty arguing prices and talking people down. When we were in Mexico a few years ago he talked a vendor way down on jewelry in what was a memorable haggling. He does it in a direct, but somehow amicable manner. He smiles, he pushes the person to lower and lower prices---never letting on that he will buy it regardless of the chosen price. Watching him haggle is like watching a full fledged performance. I marvel at his abilities.

I, on the other hand, am waaay too polite. The few times I have tried my hand at bargaining I felt the sweat form on the palms of my hands, my chest tightened as my breathing became erratic. I usually cave immediately. I think, well maybe this amount is really all the person can afford. I don't want to insult them. I imagine that they have starving children at home who are all dependent on full price sales. I am not quite sure what my problem is---what do I think will happen if I just try?

So a few weeks ago when I spotted an old sewing cabinet at a thrift store I was not very eager to try and bargain, but it was priced for more than I wanted to pay. So, I marched up to the counter where there was a female cashier. I can't tell you what she looked like because I was too freaked out to make eye contact (I get this way when ordering food over the phone also). I squeaked out my intent and we marched over to the sewing cabinet. She pulled out her best moves saying, "I just put this on the floor and I hate to lower prices on the first day."

Normally this is where I back down (which is so strange because I am generally quite outgoing and definitely not a submissive type), but I decided to press her. "Well, there are some serious repairs that need to be made, I think it's over priced," I said, nearly whispering that last bit.

She paused for a moment as I pointed out some areas that would need mending. A sigh. "Well, I won't go any lower than $15, " she said.

"Sold!" I barked out enthusiastically. I may have been able to talk her even lower, but I was just so excited to have a successful haggling.

I took my victory home and made the necessary repairs, but now I am trying to decide what color I should paint it. Any ideas?

Are you a good haggler? Any tips for my future as a haggler?

Little Ritual

Late afternoon I wait for the text, sometimes it comes earlier than others, but it always reads "Out." My cell phone rings with its horrible ring-tone called "whistling wizard" (yes it is an embarrassing ring-tone).

I flip then phone open and read the 3 letter word and turn to Cordelia, "Guess who is coming home?"

Cordelia's face brightens as she says, "Daddy."

Somewhere along the way Bumblebee also figured out this little ritual and she will immediately run to the window and hop up on her back legs, nose pressed to the glass, and do this nasal whistle/whine combo. The nasal combo has a quiver of excitement to it.

I will turn up the music, clean up any ongoing projects, and Cordelia and I will dance or sometimes she will go and knock on the door. Other times she will insist that we go to the window and look for the returning car.

When he fiiiinnnnaaallllllyyy gets home Cordelia will scream, "DADDY!" or perhaps she'll whisper "Daddy." He will come up the stairs, throw down his work stuff and he will be crowded by his crew, Bumblebee is always the most enthusiastic.

He will take Cordelia in his arms and they will have their moment, play, reading, hugging, doesn't matter what they do. Cordelia is just so happy to be reunited with her father!

Have You Seen?

Have you seen what we've been up to at Wyoming Rose? My mother and I have been busily at work with new items (children's clothes are up and more to come soon). We've been gearing up for our feature on Soule Mama this weekend!

Cordelia modeling one of our beautiful baby ponchos. FYI she runs into her bedroom and begs for me to put them on her!


One of our lovely models! She left with one of the dresses because she loved it so much!