Monday, February 18, 2013

Like Me Again

wolcottdrawing

I was backed up on checking my email. We have just had such a busy year that it is about all I can do to stay on top of things. When I finally had a moment to check my inbox I noticed a familiar name, a name from a high school friend. Someone I hadn't spoken with in at least a decade. She just sent me a friendly hello, mentioning that she remembered when I had picked  up my youngest brother Sam from school, wearing vintage roller skates. I smiled at the memory.

I smiled because that is me. I am that kind of a person. I am happy and I like to have fun, but perhaps if you had run into me over the past several months that wouldn't have been apparent. I have been a little out of sorts.  I have been working through a mild case of postpartum depression. I haven't been in the depths of despair or anything, but I just have been off.

I haven't been myself. I have been tired. I have been feeling sorry for myself. I just haven't been quite right. My natural state is to be happy, to give and to focus on the positive...but that had become a challenge.

I had a hard time recognizing the symptoms of depression as I was so focused on Elise, who was challenging for the first few months of her life. I was trying to maintain a sense of normalcy for Cordelia. I was trying to be a cool wife who could handle things and keep everything in check. I assumed I was just tired and that soon I would feel like me again...but months passed under a cloud.

When I finally approached Eric. He had already figured out what was happening and was ready and willing to help. Together we have been working through this. Fortunately for me the depression wasn't so terrible that I needed medication, but rather an intense and focused effort. Over the past couple of months the clouds have parted and, while there are still some off days, I am beginning to feel like me again.

Have you ever struggled with depression?

15 comments:

Helena said...

Lack of sleep and constant hurry can make anybody depressed... No matter how adorable the babies are. You'll be fine again. I was once seriously depressed when my husband left me but he came back after a month so I didn't need any medication. But now I know what it's like and it was hell.

Have you drawn that picture? Beautiful!

Michelle said...

Yes, I had severe PPD after the birth of my second child. Wouldn't ever want to go through that again! I gradually made it most of the way back after nearly a year. Some things about myself seem to have been permanently altered. But, as I said, it was a severe case. I am glad the light is coming back for you!

Chromosomally Enhanced said...

This is close to my story...but depression sunk in and stayed for a couple of years...I am not sure I realized how good or bad I was until after I saw the light...I did not want to take meds...my hubby was and is very supportive always checking in on me and giving me the much needed attention I did not think I needed..li pulled out by blogging not fearing what I said or who I offended...I needed to get it out to an imaginary world...it helped...to find comfort and support...I started exercising daily...eating whole foods...eliminating all soda...taking my vitamins....and getting sunshine...it worked and now I have my moments but the majority of my world is happy and full of good...I truly do appreciate what I have more because I was in such a deep whole...smiles to you

Anonymous said...

Thank you for sharing This parte of your story. Depression hits me when my anxiety has reached a point to where I feel overwhelmed. Lately, that has been the case for me. Luckily, I am a yoga teacher and could reach out to my yoga teacher who designed a practice for me tht is basically breathing. Its working! I hope you know that your arty, vegan, wholesome blog is a bright spot in my day!

Sarah Purdy said...

It took a lot of courage for you to share your experience - thank you. You are a truly amazing woman, mother and friend.

sara said...

I started taking medication last fall for anxiety. I wish I'd done it years ago! I can definitely relate to not feeling like yourself. It's such a great relief when you feel like that person you used to be, once again. I'm so glad that is happening for you now.

Anne Marie said...

I am glad you're feeling better!

Anonymous said...

Yes, I have been there.

Marianne said...

PS. I moved and started a happier blog! Be well! :-)

Mason-Jezek Journal said...

You are a brave woman Ms. Maria! Thanks for sharing and I'm sorry that you are dealing with this. It's no fun. I have gone through varying bouts of depression throughout my life. I'm glad that you are sharing your story and taking time to help yourself. Having a super awesome husband to help you through is nice too. ;) Just take the time to work through it...and always remember that you are loved by so many! Can't wait to see you in a few short months.

Carmen said...

Maria - I came here after seeing your post today to see what was happening. These early months are so tough. I'm glad you recognized it, and that you and Eric are working through it together. Hugs & love to you my friend.

Stacy said...

Depression runs in my family and I'm particularly prone to SAD. A couple of winters ago, it was bad enough that I went to my doctor for medication. Good for you for recognizing that you needed to work on it and help yourself to a better, happier path. Hugs to you.

Kate said...

The post I'm attaching here has been close to my heart since I've read it. I had a few months of depression when my son weaned, but never connected the two. I went through huge life upheavals as well, at that time, so it may have been a combination of things.

I'm not brave enough to write my story, but I'm glad you and Jo are. You're changing the world, women like, so it's stronger and brighter for our daughters. And our sons.


http://joannagoddard.blogspot.com/2012/02/motherhood-depression-and-weaning.html

elizabeth said...

first - your husband is the bomb. :) and i can say that because mine is, too.

second - so glad you are coming out of the fog.

third - yes. i struggled and was on medication when i first met my husband. after we were married, he told me he wanted to help me try to go without the meds. it took a serious effort on my part and his part. but we hung in there together. and it took a while. and i know that i'm always closer than some to the edge . . . but we've hung in here. and lately, changing my eating habits has helped a lot. and adding some vitamin supplements. being deficient in certain vitamins can really hurt adrenals which really doesn't let our brains do the happy thing.

i'm so glad you and eric are doing this together.

hugs to you.

Daphne said...

Just catching up on blogs and saw this... sending hugs and brave thoughts. I have struggled with depression before after a series of car accidents, a terrible breakup and some PTSD from a few other things... I took some time off work and got lots of help and eventually I also incorporated Wellbutrin for about a year, when I felt like I was back to myself and didn't need it anymore. That was about 8 years ago and I'm so glad I got all that help, because now when I start to feel a dip, I know what it is and what I can do. Usually after a day or week or two I feel back to myself. Hang in there and take very good care of yourself! Let Eric help, too. Hugs.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...