Monday, April 28, 2014
On Being Human, or Something About Something
Satutday afternoon we set out for Home Depot. There was some gardening on the horizon. I could feel it in my bones. I imagined tilling the earth, or you know whatever...something garden-y, while Eric worked on an outdoor project. The sun was out, the grass was green. All of the trees are sprouting new little baby leaves that are just so cute. Leaves can totally be cute, trust me. Obviously the girls would play blissfully in the yard, just being adorable. I assumed there would be some pink lemonade, probably a sunset walk with the dogs, just pretty much idyllic. I mean, we do get those kind of days here, but it just wasn't meant to be.
First of all my brain had been mulling over some rather sad news from a loved one, news that I couldn't do anything but feel sad about. I generally like to take action. You're sad? Let me toss some casseroles at you. Need me to run to the store for you? Happy to do that! Want me to listen to you as you cry? Yep, I am here for that. This news wasn't like that, there was nothing to be done. I don't mean to be vague, but it isn't my news to share. Really all that I could do was accept this information. I just had to accept that a loved one was getting dealt a crappy hand, that happens to every human at some point, and all I could do was acknowledge that I cared. I am sure that was enough for my friend, but I so wanted to find a solution or offer some comfort, that is my nature...but I couldn't and I felt bummed. So that was on my mind, just sort of like a thunder cloud on the horizon.
Then there was an actual thundercloud on the horizon. I wondered if our plans might change. We decided to swing by a couple of stores as Eric was long overdue for a pair of shoes and pants, as evidenced by the holes and cracked soles. While there the girls were in a deteriorating condition. They started out well, but there is only so much a kid can take. So by the end of it Cordelia was climbing underneath racks of clothes, a temptation that is admittedly still difficult for me to resist. Elise was trapped in a fireman's carry in my arms and when she reached her limit she shouted, loudly, "Knock it off Mom!" So, while Eric made the purchase we retreated to the car. The girls played for a bit before Elise passed out into a solid car nap. We aren't big shoppers so it was a quick affair, but by the time we were done it was certain that a storm would soon be upon us. So we scratched our gardening plans and decided to just run another quick errand before returning home.
When we got home we relaxed a bit, as much as anyone with two children under five can relax. Then we received a phone call from friends with great news! News of a baby! We had often wondered if these two would have children as we know that they are the right people for the job. There was real celebration as we heard their news, their plans, everything! Simple and complete joy.
Later I met up with my bestie and we talked and worked on fiber projects (knitting and crocheting) two hours passed in the blink of an eye. That is the best part about having good friends, the ease of companionship, no pressure. I like to keep it all casual, so a good friend is just the greatest and my bestie is like super bestie, not to brag---but seriously. We talked about good, bad, strange, creepy, silly, boring, interesting, all of it. Just what I needed!
I drove home from Sarah's house as the rain fell, knowing that soon it would turn into a late spring snowstorm and I thought about life, about being human. It's really weird. Sometimes I feel like I am being pin-balled back and forth between joy and sadness and weirdness and everything. There are times when I feel like it is almost too much to bear. The joy is too intense, the pain it too heavy, but really it isn't is it? It's just all part of being human and it is super weird.
Then I sang along loudly with Rod Stewart who happened to be on the radio, fading off into a mumble with the verses as I only knew the chorus. Don't worry I sang the chorus extra loud with my best Rod Stewart voice to make up for it. I drove the farmiliar roads, steering my car down the dark streets, and I thought about how weird it would be if there was a creeper lurking in my backseat (you do that too right?)...weird because I would be embarrassed about the Rod Stewart sing along--it's one thing to blog about it and another to experience it. I looked into my rear view and, satisfied that I was alone, sang out the chorus in my best scratchy Rod voice and turned off the car. I climbed out and looked at the warm lights glowing from my house. I looked up at the sky and let the water soak me just a bit and then it was back to business, life as a weird human.