Wednesday, November 5, 2014
Letter to My Daughters: How to "Find and Keep a Man"
Dear Cordelia and Elise,
You know I was just looking at the news headlines on this election night and right under the most up-to-date ballot information there was a headline about how to find and keep a man. Well, that got me to thinking....I should probably tell you how to do that.
Step 1) Don't.
We live in a weird and backwards world girls and I want you to know a few things. You should never ever EVER allow yourself to be in a situation where you feel you have to "find and keep a man." Oh goodness I do hope that from the confusing parent /child moments where we try to fill you with life guiding information your father and I are able to convey to you that you do not need to have or keep a man.
I hope that, should you choose to share your life with someone, you choose a person who loves you because you are smart and funny. I hope that you marry someone who will laugh at your jokes until they cry. A person who will understand the subtleties of your weird humor and will become a part of that weirdness. Someone who will listen to your ideas and support them or challenge them. I hope that you marry someone who will listen to your thoughts completely and respect them for what they are.
I hope and pray that you find a partner who will help you to be the best person you are able to be. Someone who sees that light that is glowing in your heart and wants to see it shine more brightly.
I hope that you marry someone who will love your smile enough to want to be there as that smile ages on your face, knowing those smile lines are well earned. Oh and I hope that your spouse loves the way your hair is always messy, both of you.
I hope that your mix of grace and clumsiness is endlessly charming to them, that their heart aches with joy when they see you wipe out after a good twirl (you will both still do this as adults I am certain). And you should feel the same towards them.
I can tell you that you should never feel that you need to keep a person. You should choose wisely enough that your person will never make you feel that they need to be kept and you should never settle for less.
Oh please don't marry someone who makes you think you need to worry about being the wrong size, too small or too large, too curvy or angular. However you are is how you should love yourself. End of story.
I don't care who you choose, what they do for a living, where they are from, what their political leanings are---none of it, that's for you to worry about. All that I care about (and your father too) is that you find someone who adores you as you are, someone who wants the best for you, and someone who will always encourage you to find joy in this life. I hope you will build a relationship on trust and love and support. I pray that you will laugh one day at these silly articles telling you what to do, when all that anyone should ever do is find someone who loves them as they are.