Monday, August 3, 2015


sun art

The other day we were driving in the car and I mentioned something about my job. Cordelia asked, "How many jobs do you have mom?!" I paused for a moment, unsure of how to answer. Obviously there is the unpaid and eternal job of motherhood, but I also have many paying jobs:  artist, teacher for a college and a university, teacher at an art museum, free lance writer, private painting instructor, lector, and I am sure there are more that I am forgetting. None of this quite equals a full-time job, it comes and goes in waves. I work a lot, but I am happy to be able to sort of be my own boss. Sure I have people I answer to, but none of them have the same authority in my life as a single boss.

Now I have one position which has a LOT of oversight and accountability. I will keep it vague, but let's just say that it has taken some getting used to the constant check-ins and updates. I think my personality tends to fight the constraint of that type of leadership. I understand that many people really love regular feedback and lots of guidance, it's just not my bag. I prefer to be left alone to do my job, obviously if I were to fail in some capacity I would expect intervention. I rationalize it that I am a capable adult and people should accept that and not micromanage. For this unnamed job I made a choice early on to accept the oversight against my natural inclination to rebel. Instead I have pushed myself to grow. Initially it really got under my skin to have constant check-ups and updates, but then something happened. I became a better employee. I do a good job anyway, but all of the oversight made me rebel in new ways. I decided to always do more and better, trying to give my overseers (I have many with differing points of view) absolutely zero room for critique.

I don't think anybody noticed as they are so busy watching over so many and in fear of the people watching over them, but I noticed. I noticed that I feel better about myself and my work when I do at least one more thing than I am required. Somehow this has spilled over into other areas of my life and now I have started pushing to do just one more thing, just to try a little harder. Trust me there is always something, always. And while I still don't love oversight as it makes one feel as though they are expected to fail. I appreciate that it has pushed me to try harder.

1 comment:

Mom said...

You have handled that situation so well.

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