Finding Balance

Like so many parents and educators we are all trying to settle into a schedule during COVID times. We have school during the day, work too. Last week was challenging as we all adjusted to meet our needs and responsibilities. Last week I was squeezing in work outs in the early hours and painting in fits and starts throughout the day. 

This week has been much improved! The girls are more confident in their routine. While they still need a lot of oversight they are able to work for longer periods without interruption. I am able to work out and paint as evidenced by this photo of me painting immediately after yoga. Did I need to shower, probably, but the girls were still working so I had to paint while the opportunity was still available to me!

Bike Ride

I recently got a bike. I had a bike in Wyoming, but we sold it before moving as we didn’t have room in the Uhaul. Since then I have wanted to get a new bike, but I kept putting it off.

Finally, last week I got a new bike. It isn’t anything fancy, just a neighborhood cruiser. Honestly I feel pretty cool when I ride it and the music from Amelie is playing in my mind as I cruise, mostly just because my bike has a basket. Just need to toss in a baguette to complete the lewk. Ha!

Anyway, the girls and I have been taking the bike trails through the neighborhood in the mornings or evenings. In summertime in New Mexico the afternoon is hotter than Satan’s armpit so we stay indoors.

Anyway, it is such a treat to ride along with my girls and take in our neighborhood from a new vantage point. 

Studio Time

I have been in the studio a lot lately, but my time has been very fractured with everyone at home. Most of the time the interruptions are so sweet. Kids will pop in for a hug or draw nearby as I paint. Sometimes I will get to hear every.single.detail of a dream. Have you ever had a kid tell you their dream? Or even an adult tell you a dream? All of the details are included. Absolutely no room for paraphrasing. 

I actually have a distinct memory of the moment I realized that my own sweet mother maybe didn’t want to hear every detail of my dreams. We were in the kitchen of the parsonage and I was going on and on about a dream. I was probably around 11-12. I remember looking at her face. Her eyes were pointed at me, but there was that far away glazed quality that I now know and recognize in my own self. 

Anyway, back to my studio. The whole family is quite supportive of giving me time to work. I don’t ask for a lot of time so they all understand that it is important to let me work.

These days progress is slower than when I had many hours to work, but I am so thankful for any time at all. 

Creating a Relationship with the Land

When we first moved to NM we struggled to find our place. We had moved here rather unwillingly and were not in the right headspace I think. It is easy to reflect upon now, but I don’t think we really recognized it when we first moved here. 

We started taking walks when we arrived, mostly for the dogs to get exercise.

We noticed with wonder some of the strange species of plants that are in our area.

The earth itself is different here. 

Slowly, slowly over a season we began to build a relationship with the land.

I learned when the cholla blooms! 

We learned that frost in the desert is beautiful and that it even snows here. The schools closed for even a whisper of snow! 

All of this happened gradually, like building a relationship. Building up experience and knowledge over time. Now I feel at home in our desert. I know to take the fifteen minute drive down to the Bosque when I am in need of water and trees. I know what this desert has to offer. I know that it is tough and unforgiving, but it offers the most vibrant beauty. 

Some Recent Work

Botanic Gardens

We recently took a little socially distanced trip to the botanic gardens. You have to buy tickets in advance and the whole place has been arranged to ensure that people remain safe.

It was so good to get out of the house and do something a little different after so many months of pretty much the same few things.

Mask. Shades. Hat.

I love the gardens and wish that I had been able to sit and paint for a while, but that is a task for a day when kids are not leading the way.

We were in no rush, but we let the girls guide us through at their pace. 

We all took in the beauty and as much of the fresh air that could penetrate our masks.

It was so good! 

We will definitely be back before the weather changes.

Two Years!

Today marks two years since we moved from Wyoming to New Mexico. It was the conclusion of a very traumatic period of change. Most change comes with some real pain. We had been through a great deal in the year leading up to our move. So when we pulled up in front of our new home it was bittersweet. We had closed the door on a really vibrant time in our lives. We felt sad and unmoored. Of course there were things to be happy about too, but it was hard to see clearly at that time in life.

Interestingly I think that hard year, in some ways, prepared us for 2020. Having gone through really hard times it has seemed that the difficulties of 2020 are somehow more manageable. We can see that problems are not, in fact, cumulative. I think that was something that we had struggled with in the year leading up to our move: death, job loss, home sale, living with family, unemployment, uncertainty. Now, we know that we can get through that stuff and I think we are more equipped to weather the storm. 

Anyway, when we moved to NM we were certainly heartsick for some time. Most difficult was leaving my parents and our much loved yellow house. It has taken us time to settle in here, but gradually we are feeling more stable and invested in this place. 

For me it was getting a garden going, a post for another day, and getting the home to reflect our personal taste. Slowly. Slowly

Not long ago I painted the stair rails a vibrant coral color. It was as though the house was suddenly home. Strange how those little things make such a difference.

Sunday quote: Now is Now

Now is now. Are you going to be here or not?

Ram Dass

The Bird Story

One reason I had to come back here was to preserve the bird story for future generations. Sit back, relax, and enjoy proof that dreams do come true, kinda.

One recent Saturday morning I was taking an early morning walk-n-talk on the phone with my friend Sarah. She lives states away, but we will often take a walk together anyway. 

So I had just set out with Philip and Qiu Jin, Betty was not feeling it that morning. We were settling into a good conversation about some of the issues we are facing in the world of quarantine when some birds swooped by, low. One landed on a nearby electrical box. I could instantly see that it was a non-native bird. It was someone’s parakeet. There was a second parakeet that landed nearby.

I instantly switched to FaceTime so Sarah could see what was happening. I put my hand out and the bird hopped on?!?!! This is the ultimate dream of mine and I cannot express to you how shocking and intense this was for me.

Sarah captured my reaction.

The bird climbed up my arm and made itself right at home! 

I could not believe this was happening to me. I ALWAYS whistle to birds and extend my finger. Normally they rudely decline. This little guy took things to the next level. 

Poor little babe was tired and took a little snooze. I was scrambling to figure out my next move. First of all, we have plenty of animals in our home and I definitely did not want to adopt this guy and his pal, who was sticking close, but too scared to approach. I had two dogs on a leash and Eric was at home in bed while the girls were in pajamas watching cartoons. 

I was beginning to assemble a plan of action when the bird hopped onto my sunglasses!



Then he pooped on my face and flew away! Ha! 

I have tried to find him again, to no avail. I did see his buddy again, but just a fly-by. I feel somewhat hopeful as I have seen a parakeet in Denver living with a bunch of sparrows, so it could happen. 

Hello, Goodbye, Hello

I suppose I had better catch you up to speed on new members to our family. 

First we have Qiu Jin. It sounds like chew gin when you pronounce it. We have had Qiu Jin for over a year at this point, but she still feels new. Let me tell you how Qiu Jin ended up in our house. 

My cousin was living in Shanghai and was involved in animal rescue. She was walking home and spotted a puppy running through many many lanes of traffic. Somehow the scruffy puppy was not hit and took shelter under some parked motor bikes. My cousin grabbed a few strangers who helped her to corral the puppy and scoop her into a bag and take her home. A couple of weeks later she asked if we would help. Well, we already had two dogs (Betty and Bumblebee), but we couldn’t say no. Several months passed as my cousin got a passport for Qiu Jin and several other rescues who were flying into the states. If you are wondering why she didn’t just re-home the animals in China you can look into the dog meat trade for your answer.

Anyway, Eric and I did not tell the girls that we were going to adopt her as there were so many variables. We did drive to AZ to meet my cousin and her dogs. Qiu Jin was actually kind of a mess and would not let me hold or pet her. Furthermore my cousin was deeply attached by this point. The night before we left I told her that she could absolutely keep Qiu Jin, that it felt like we were taking her dog. We were happy to have made the trip just to see her and the family.  She thought on it for the night, but the next morning, as we were loading the car to return home, she took me aside and said that she knew it was the best choice for Qiu Jin.

So we pretty much just shoved this confused pup into the car, after a hard goodbye, and drove off. It was such a loving gift for my cousin to put Qiu’s needs first. The girls were, of course, thrilled. As we drove off I looked down at this scared and confused dog and my heart broke a little bit. She didn’t trust me and she didn’t know what was going on. Thankfully the long drive home gave me time to pet her, give her treats, and earn a little trust.

It took a few months for her to settle into our life. She bonded with us quickly, but I would say that somewhere between months 3-6 she really began to show her true colors. She is so fun! She has the best personality. She is silly and playful and so smart! We adore her!

And now for the saddest goodbye. Bumblebee. 

Last summer, a few months after adopting Qiu Jin,  we had to say goodbye to Bumblebee. She had been declining for years, but it was to the point that we truly began to question her quality of life. I kept hoping that she would just not wake up. Each morning I would check her breathing, her tail would wag and she would groan to get  up and go outside. It became clear that her pain was not something we could manage. After many tearful conversations we realized that our final gift to her would be a dignified and peaceful death in her home. 

The girls and Eric said goodbye and left with Betty and Qiu Jin. Bumblebee and I stayed home with the vet who came to help ease her passing with care and love. The vet was so gentle and gave me all of the time and care that made the process so much more peaceful. . I cried and gave her all of the love. Her passing was sweet and quiet. I cried so much, but the last words she heard were that she was such a good girl and that we love her so much. From the moment we met her until the moment she left she knew nothing but love.

While it was truly heartbreaking, and something that I still feel acutely, I am so thankful that we had her in our lives for so very many years. She was such a gift and the age old adage is that grief is the price we pay for love. And boy do we love her.

_____

Phew, that was kind of heavy and we are more than a year removed from her passing. 

I will say that while we all mourned, animals included, we are all ok now. We remember her as she was when she was pain free and full of life. She opened Eric and I up to responsibility in a way that paved the road to parenthood and future adoptions. She has left a legacy of love.

Next, you need to meet Philip! His story is a bit more simple. During quarantine we decided we could take in a foster. He came to us from El Paso or Juarez, we aren’t sure. When he arrived he was covered in filth and ticks (barf city). 

He had clearly been abused and was just terrified to his core. He knew pretty quickly to go to the bathroom outside, adored the girls, ignored the cats, and started to bond with Qiu Jin. He also weirdly looks a lot like Qiu Jin.

A few weeks in we got a call for a meet and greet with a potential adopter. We had a family meeting and decided that we could not bear to put him through the trauma of another upheaval in his life. So we officially adopted him. 

Philip is no genius. Truly a simple soul. However, he is just so darn sweet. We had to teach him how to go up and down stairs. We had to teach him to walk on a leash. We had to teach him that we won’t hurt him. Qiu Jin and Betty have taught him to play. He hasn’t got a mean bone in his body. When we take him on walks he just trots along with a doggy smile, looking up at us. Occasionally  he is looking up with so much love and gratitude that he runs into bushes so we have to keep an eye out for him.

Well, hello

Well, hello.

It has been more than a year since I posted here on the old blog. I didn’t even say goodbye. How rude! Where did I go? Why did I go? 

Well, the answer is pretty simple. Nearly two years ago we were approached by a stranger, someone who is now a very good friend, in the store. This person recognized not me, but the girls. I carried on blogging, but I felt a little sick about it all. Who else was recognizing the girls? While this person is an absolute gem of a soul and meant zero harm, I simply do not know that the next time will have the same positive outcome. 

I began to feel the weight of sharing my life, which is also a big part of their life, with you on this platform. I am happy to be open and share in that way, but I don’t know what the girls will think of that as they continue to grow. 

Right now they would tell you that I should write exclusively about them, ha! However, we are on the edge of that line where I really need to respect their privacy and let them have control over their own narratives. 

With that said, I really miss blogging. I know this is a fairly antiquated form of communication at this point, but I still love it and miss the daily ritual of blogging. So I am tentatively stepping a toe back in, with boundaries. I am no longer going to be able to show or share as much of the girls as I once did. Trust me they are amazing gems and will probably turn up in some ways, but not their beautiful faces. I am not going to return to a daily blog, but casually. If you happen to read this, thanks. 

Hello again.

Friends from Wyoming

Today I took the girls out from school early! They had no idea why they were being called to the front office. Well, I had a big surprise for them, friends from Wyoming!

We spent the afternoon hanging out and enjoying the sunshine. It was a quick stop along their travels, but a nice reminder that even though we have moved friendships remain.

Recent Vegan Eats

Who does like to look at photos of food you will never eat? Ha! Juuust kidding! I like to share photos of vegan eats so that you can see we don’t live off of lettuce and water! 

Warming Up

 By New Mexican standards it has been a long and cold winter. I would say in Wyoming this winter would pass as incredibly mild. Nevertheless this winter has reached its end.

The days are warm and the sun is bright. I have been watching for snakes again as I walk through the desert. I haven’t seen any yet, but I do believe it is probably about time to see stick to main trails when I walk Betty Sprinkles.

Sunday Quote: Find Yourself

The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.-Mahatma Gandhi