Last night as I was dressing to go out to a little housewarming party I sifted through my extremely narrow wardrobe selection, trying to find something to wear that was more than just maternity clothes. I resigned myself to the fact that there was nothing much to be done at this point in pregnancy. I had to accept the fact that I have only a few different outfits to wear. I put on my black column skirt, a maternity t-shirt and jazzed things up with accessories.
I wandered into the next room where Eric was and declared to him that I was done; that I was beginning to feel a bit trapped and claustrophobic in my own body. I had definitely come to that point that most pregnant women reach, the point that makes labor and delivery seem like a reasonable idea. Although when actual labor starts I seem to recall thinking that being incredibly pregnant was just fine. While we were out I happened to mention to others that I was beginning to feel "done" or "ready," but something about that just didn't quite sit right with me.
Later Eric and I were talking about all of the change that is soon to come. He put his hand on my belly and reminded me that while this is nearly the end I should remember to focus on this feeling of life growing inside me and to enjoy it for what it is. I have reached the countdown, but this is also the last time I will be able to engulf this baby in my protection, that this is the closest we will ever physically be. A few weeks from now all of that will change and I will be so happy to share this little girl with the world.
I am so thankful to my husband for the reminder that amidst the growing discomfort are these beautiful human moments that are such fleeting gifts. So today I am not feeling "done," instead I am just feeling that this moment is exactly as it should be. Yes there is still discomfort and claustrophobia, but there are also the hiccups and wiggles in response to my touch. There is the mystery person that I have the honor and privilege to grow and nurture with all of my being and for that I am filled to my absolute brim with gratitude.