Recently I realized that I needed some time to myself. Not time to get things done. Not time to zone out and watch a movie or spend time with friends, but actual time alone with my thoughts. Eric decided to spend some pre-baby father/daughter time while I went out to do my own thing.
I drove down to the river and walked along the path, never straying far from civilization (I don't even want to self-deliver this baby), but just getting away a little bit. I walked slowly. Stopping as contractions would hit, they were never strong enough to make me consider turning back---but I would just take a moment to pause and feel the feeling as my body prepared.
Finally I found a bench, just a foot or so from the river's edge. I took a seat under the shade of a cottonwood and watched the river gently flowing by. I didn't think about bills, projects, grocery lists, plumbers and electricians who need to be called, deadlines, responsibilities of any sort. Mostly I just tried to take a moment and listen to the sound of the water. I watched the birds I felt this baby wiggle. I just gave myself over to the moment, then and there.
When I was ready I strolled back to the car and headed back to see my husband and daughter, feeling a bit more ready and feeling like I was part of something much larger and much more amazing than my own self.