It has come to my attention that I have yet to make a confession in the new year. Let's have at it shall we?
• I can only snap with my left hand. Right hand will not snap at all. I consider this to be my greatest flaw. When I go to poetry readings I snap extra loud with my left hand to cover the silent snapping of my sad right hand.
• I always thought emojis were lame...until I got a phone that has them. Now I try and find ways to use the most obscure emojis. I hope to soon be able to communicate exclusively through emojis.
• I use interpretive dance to inspire my children to eat their meals more quickly. I will let your mind run with that, but I will say that there are high kicks and jazz hands involved.
• When I buy jarred spaghetti sauce I will pour 2/3 into the pan and then spoon out the rest to my own self. What can I say? I like to hit the sauce.
• Many of my early memories are of walking through department stores and freaking out over the glorious bedazzled garments that are normally reserved for the older women with large personalities. It is a wonder that I am not living in Texas sporting a diamond encrusted belt buckle the size of a dinner plate, sigh.
• When I feel socially uncomfortable I often default to asking deeply personal questions to random people with whom I am barely acquainted. Questions like: Do you think that (fill in the blank) comes from a strained relationship with your mother? Weirder still is that most people happily answer and further engage.
• I love having the smell of garlic on my fingers after mincing. I think that probably boarders on creeper status. Whatevs.
• I really really love to eat, but I despise feeling full. That feeling of having had one too many burritos (or whatever) is the worst! This puts me in a rather precarious position because I also want to end a meal with the perfect flavor balance. If a meal was too salty I will run and grab a few chocolate chips from my stash to balance things out.
•I think sweetening tea is the worst! My skin crawls at the idea. I mean why would you ruin a perfectly fine cup of tea with sugar?
•I think black coffee is the worst! My skin crawls at the idea. I mean why would you ruin a perfectly fine cup of coffee by leaving out the sugar?
• I am pretty particular about sock seams, if a seam falls just under my toenail forget it---donation bag. Likewise if the seam is too thick. This little personal oddity has existed since my childhood. When I was Cordelia's age it would manifest in the form of complete system meltdowns. Now I just shudder, remove sock and move on.
OK your turn!