Confessions

• I have never really been in physical fights or any fights for that matter, not my style. Although when I was seven I bit a boy named Ricky because he deserved to be bitten---left a mark, but didn't break the skin.

 •When I am really frustrated I feel inclined to bite. I now just grab a handful of something really crunchy and just got to town when I am frustrated. I am sure Ricky (see above) would have preferred this technique.


•I told my much younger brother Sam that girls don't poop, instead ladies eliminate waste by sweating glitter. At the time he was like 4 and it was the 90s and I had glitter all over. He believed me.

•Around the same time I made the poor choice of flinging an industrial sized tub of glitter around my bedroom (seemed like a good idea at the time) and only just now did I realize that it probably freaked out my brother.

 • Once I went to do a flip on a bar (like this)only I was an adult and just smacked my face on the ground. Now I know this sounds like something a drunken adult might do, but I can assure you that I was just running on my own natural graces.
 

• I can hula hoop. Not like crazy hooping, but I can decently hula hoop. I am not one of those people who can throw a hoop up in the air, do the worm and catch it with their feet, but I can keep it moving around my waist while I walk. I feel like this is pretty cool.

What are your confessions?

Confessions

 

Time for confessions!

•My inbox situation is out of control. When Eric sees my 300+unread messages he starts to sweat. In my defense many of them are junk mail that I plan to deal with (probably never) or stuff that I marked as unread for some reason or another. About three times a year I dig in and sort it all out. You might be thinking,"Gee it would be so much easier to just deal with email as it comes in," but that type of logic holds no bearing in my reality.

• I went to the house of a friend this week and while there I noticed that her family has two regular hammocks and three chair hammocks. When I asked her about it she said that she and her husband were tired of their kids taking over hammock time so they bought chair hammocks for the kids. Genius! $30ish each on Amazon....tempting.

• I feel bad for flowers when I cut them. I might whisper an apology, it is not weird at all I promise.

• Belly buttons kind of freak me out; not their original purpose. I can handle newborn belly button stuff all of that is no biggie. Adult belly button is just kind of nasty. Even the most accessible belly buttons are full of strange wrinkles and folds. What is lurking in there? I don't want to know!

• Yesterday I spilled my coffee while working at the computer. I was quite dramatic and coffee   shot up into my eyeball. Now my keys are sticking. Do I need to buy a new keyboard or is this a fixable problem? 

• I have been engaged in a turf war with mice. I noticed a mouse, really Betty spotted it, by the bird feeder. Rule of thumb is that if you see one mouse it represents one billion more trying to invade your home and kill your family with hantavirus or bubonic plague. I am in no way going to kill mice, but I don't want them to move in when the weather cools down in a few months. So I stopped feeding the birds. I have also started a serious plan of attack with the garden. I have been landscaping and removing the long leafy stuff that they were using for cover. I am also spraying the perimeter with peppermint oil as they are supposed to dislike it immensely. So far I seem to be winning. I haven't seen a mouse in about two weeks. Betty is bummed.

• I am often not sure what day of the week or month it is as my schedule is so weird.

Confessions: Just One Story

Friday afternoon I was at the craft supply store buying supplies for my Saturday six year old art class. The girls and I were standing in an aisle as I pondered the selection. Elise and Cordelia were sort of freely exploring as there were lots of interesting items for little hands. We were alone in the aisle so I didn't really mind that they were owning the place. 

A woman, probably in her early 60s, came around the corner. She looked like a kindly grandmother/crafter type, but one who wouldn't appreciate the shenanigans of my girls. So I told Cordelia to calm down and I picked up Elise. I continued to look for my art supply necessities. 

The woman came and stood uncomfortably close to me. I shifted a little to the side and she came even closer. Then I smelled it, an unholy scent. It was awful! Like the kind of gas that can melt the eyeballs right out of your face.



Seriously I had never smelled anything so horrible.

Now before I continue let me just say that I am normally very well-mannered. I also have an extremely expressive face. I have almost no control over the expressions that my face makes. My face just reflects what is in my heart...

So when this woman, who insisted on standing weirdly close, passed awful smelling gas right next to me I made a face. I couldn't help it!!! My nostrils flared in horror, my lips curled in repulsion, and I looked at her with a glare that almost certainly read as "How dare you?!" She scuttled off, but we kept running into this woman and there was always this cloud of stink. I am not a fart-shamer (that is a real thing trust me) I get that we all pass gas. I was just shocked at the brazen confidence of a person who would unleash a very very very sick smelling fart while choosing to stand so very close to another person.

Unfortunately the confession story doesn't end with a rude look for someone who probably was feeling a little under the weather.  You see when we got into the car I smelled that disgusting odor again. The woman was nowhere to be seen. Then I hear Elise shout,"Who tooted!? It was me, I tooted." Yep, it had been the child in my arms passing the gas. The sick smell, I would soon learn, was the result of her gastroenteritis. So, to the poor older woman who kept walking into my child's stink cloud and getting a look from me, I am sorry! I am also sorry to anyone who ever receives an uncontainable look from my overly expressive face.

Confessions

 

Confession tyyyyyyme!

• I seriously have no idea what LinkedIn is? I thought it was some sort of Facebook for professionals, but I have gotten several invites from people whom I know to be unemployed and not actively seeking employment. Please don't explain it to me, because I really don't care and I will not accept your invite. Sorry, not sorry.
• I super hate when people spell time tyme. Also words that start with a C or a Qu being spelled with a K, extra points if the K is backwards---like Kwik Kare. Makes me want to rage vomit....OK, that was excessive, but I just mean to say that I find it mildly annoying. 
• You know that scene in the movie Titanic, where the mother is trying to put her children to sleep in the lower class deck where they are all locked up... when she knows the ship is sinking? That scene is all kinds of wrong. I think it would be a horrible thing for those kids to settle in to sleep only to be awakened to cold sea water. It isn't like they would sleep through drowning. #parentingfail
• You guys, I really like cabbage. Like a lot. I have certainly confessed this here before, but c'mon, cabbage.
• I am mysteriously obsessed with this video.  

I keep sending links to the video to my nearest and dearest..enough that I have been asked to stop. Now I have to go and watch it again.

•  Until one hour ago I had never made waffles. Nobody gave us a waffle iron for our wedding, though inexplicably we were given two deep fryers (??). Without a waffle iron I was never in a waffle making situation, frozen vegan waffles exist...but that does not count. A couple of weeks ago I traded a painting lesson for a waffle iron and five bucks. The waffle iron is ancient and it smoked for a bit so I wasn't sure there would be waffles so much as a kitchen fire...but waffles prevailed. I burned myself a wee bit, but the waffles were tasty. The waffles were successful enough that Cordelia had three. She probably doubled her weight in one sitting.
• I once tried using a deep fryer (see above) to make lumpia, it was terrifying to use to much hot oil. I wasn't sure what was more terrifying the hot oil or just the excessive amount of oil.
• I once donated two deep fryers (see above) to a thrift store in one day.
• When my daughters take too long to eat a meal (every meal) I use that time to show them horrible and embarrassing awesome dance moves in the kitchen while I clean up after the meal prep.

Alright then, carry on!

Confessions

It has come to my attention that I have yet to make a confession in the new year. Let's have at it shall we?

• I can only snap with my left hand. Right hand will not snap at all. I consider this to be my greatest flaw. When I go to poetry readings I snap extra loud with my left hand to cover the silent snapping of my sad right hand. 

• I always thought emojis were lame...until I got a phone that has them. Now I try and find ways to use the most obscure emojis. I hope to soon be able to communicate exclusively through emojis.

• I use interpretive dance to inspire my children to eat their meals more quickly. I will let your mind run with that, but I will say that there are high kicks and jazz hands involved.

• When I buy jarred spaghetti sauce I will pour 2/3 into the pan and then spoon out the rest to my own self. What can I say? I like to hit the sauce.

• Many of my early memories are of walking through department stores and freaking out over the glorious bedazzled garments that are normally reserved for the older women with large personalities. It is a wonder that I am not living in Texas sporting a diamond encrusted belt buckle the size of a dinner plate, sigh.

• When I feel socially uncomfortable I often default to asking deeply personal questions to random people with whom I am barely acquainted. Questions like: Do you think that (fill in the blank) comes from a strained relationship with your mother? Weirder still is that most people happily answer and further engage.

• I love having the smell of garlic on my fingers after mincing. I think that probably boarders on creeper status. Whatevs.

• I really really love to eat, but I despise feeling full. That feeling of having had one too many burritos (or whatever) is the worst! This puts me in a rather precarious  position because I also want to end a meal with the perfect flavor balance. If a meal was too salty I will run and grab a few chocolate chips from my stash to balance things out. 

•I think sweetening tea is the worst! My skin crawls at the idea. I mean why would you ruin a perfectly fine cup of tea with sugar?

•I think black coffee is the worst! My skin crawls at the idea. I mean why would you ruin a perfectly fine cup of coffee by leaving out the sugar?

• I am pretty particular about sock seams, if a seam falls just under my toenail forget it---donation bag. Likewise if the seam is too thick. This little personal  oddity has existed since my childhood. When I was Cordelia's age it would manifest in the form of complete system meltdowns. Now I just shudder, remove sock and move on.

OK your turn! 

Confessions

Hello and happy Wednesday! I am feeling a confession posting coming on....please join me!


I feel genuine rage when I eat a pitted olive and bite into a piece of pit. OK, that was a major overstatement, but it really does annoy me to the point that I fantasize about calling the olive company and requesting my money back. You know, the money I paid for pitted olives?

I like having the occasional margarita, but that is 98% based on my desire to lick salt from the rim of my glass.Would you judge me if I salted the rims of all of my drinks? Orange juice, water, soy milk?

While teaching I sometimes go off on totally random tangents and then like slamming on the brakes of a car I stop mid-sentence and just stare at my students for a moment. I will admit the tangent and then carry on as if it had never happened. I don't do this to be funny, it is just a weird habit.

I am like a heat sensing wizard I can almost always gauge your body temperature to within a few degrees (between 98-103, FYI)...unless you are frozen or on fire, then who knows. 

Speaking of my students. One girl was tearing up a piece she had been working on and when I asked her why she replied, "Because it was the worst painting in the world." My instruction to her was to go and paint the actual worst painting in the world---then when she felt done to try and make it even worse.

I have a secret drawer in my home that is filled to the brim with paperwork that needs to be filed. I hate filing almost as much as I hate going to the post office.

The bell ringers that are out around the holidays leave me feeling guilty at all times. I can go in one store, drop change in a bucket and then I will still feel guilty when I walk by the bell ringer at the next store.

Sometimes I wander around smiling and I am pretty sure I look insane.

Sometimes when I drive I am frowning for no reason and I am pretty sure I look insane.

I actually stop and smell the roses, lilacs, tree back, moss, whatever.

Your turn!

Confessions

 

Ahh, let's take a break from Saturday and have a little confession time shall we?
__________
A pet peeve of mine is when famous people fold their hands in prayer position and bow their heads when given a compliment or excessive applause. Now I see non-famous people do this as well and it makes me furious. It seems deeply insincere to me.

I like fruit alright, but you know I think it is a bit overrated. Perhaps this is because I live in the land of perpetual winter and we rarely have truly fresh fruit.

I have always had sleep problems. When I was a teen I would fall asleep to the soothing sound of Robert Stack's (RIP) voice as he hosted Unsolved Mysteries. Was this a creepy thing to do? Perhaps, but there was something about the tone of his voice that could just knock me out, in spite of the fact that he was talking about alien abductions, ghosts, or grisly murders...

My favorite flavor of vegan ice cream is vanilla. It is like a blank canvas. Also, my favorite time of year to eat ice cream is in the winter. I like to eat ice cream from under a blanket and in front of a heater. I mix the ice cream into an almost soup. Oh...and I like to eat it with a tiny spoon.

I once broke a toe with a step ladder while working at Hallmark.  I was dealing with a customer and dropped an ancient step ladder on my foot and managed to not scream while blood ooozed out from my shoe. Once the customer left I took a good look and it was a tiny nightmare in my shoe. Interestingly the toenail stayed on for a year and then it just fell off and a new toenail was underneath. It creeped me out.

Speaking of Hallmark. During undergrad I once worked two mall jobs, Hallmark (where the over 50 crowd goes to buy Christmas ornaments and greeting cards) and Hot Topic (where the under 20 crowd, and strippers, go to buy goth-y stuff). So I would go in to Hallmark in the morning wearing slacks and a nice crisp shirt. After a full day there I would go into the bathroom and put on all black and put my nose ring back in. Neither job suited me, it was a weird and confusing time. So I quit and worked at a dog daycare instead.

I am pretty good at folding fitted sheets. Jealous?

I have no earthly idea what size of clothes I wear! Seriously, did I miss something? Are sizes that different by brand? Don't even get me started on undergarments. Every time I go to buy new clothes I become completely overwhelmed and give up after about 15 minutes.

If I could have a super power it would be talking to animals...or perhaps the ability to teleport. What would yours be?

OK your turn. Confess!

Confessions

Oh yeah!

-I don't love popcorn. I mean it is fine, but mostly it is just salty air.

- I love to drink vinegar. It makes me sweat, but I can just gulp it down. Eric is unsettled by this phenomenon and will hide vinegar from me.

- I don't know if I have mentioned this before, probably have, but here it comes again. I HATE inflatable animals and I want to bite them. See this? I want to bite it. This one? Yep, want to bite it.

-I am terrified of trimming my dog's toenails. I always make them bleed (just a tiny bit) and yelp. It is a horror show.

- Our house has a weird half/basement thing. it isn't a crawlspace as you can mostly stand up, it is more like a hunchspace. Anyway, it frightens me.

-I was disappointed in my broccoli this year, you know the stuff I grew in my garden. I found myself berating the broccoli. Not my coolest moment.

-I am naturally a total slob, but I love my husband who is a neatnik and I see the value in a clean home. I do clean All. The. Time. So I have little acts of rebellion. For instance, I leave the lid off of my chocolate chips (sub-confession I have a box of chocolate chips that I got through on a weekly/two-weekly basis) and when Eric asks, "Can you try and close the lid?" I say, as kindly as possible, "Probably not." 

- I am a total Francophile. I want to go to France again so very badly. In a million years when we have no student loans I look forward to extended vacations there, or even living there part time....but really I probably will pass away before I pay off my student debt.

- I am obsessed with noses. I looove to look at interesting noses. For me the perfect nose is just a bit imperfect. Perhaps it leans to one side, is a little large, has uneven nostrils (you probably do!), but best of all a slight bump! Lovely. Nothing is more dull to me than a perfect nose.

-I totally lied there, MANY things are more dull than a perfect nose. For example: listening to Robert Stack read Ulysses in a whisper, while interesting at first I am certain it would soon become quite dull---wait, is he dead? If he is dead and whisper reading Ulysses then it is interesting. Slow blinks are pretty dull. Gum chewing, dull. Elbow scratches, dull. Grocery shopping with a list is dull. Listening to your own whistling boog is dull. So, yeah.

Your turn!

Confessions

You know, it has been some time since I have done a confessions post. I think it is about time that we remedy that problem.

______________

________

I never close the little spout thing on my tea pot because the whistle freaks me out. If I do close it I find myself tense until it begins to scream, then I run to turn it off. Tea should be mellow, not a mini-horror show.

I am a bit of a rebel, but in really uncool ways. For instance, when I heard that you are no longer supposed to use q-tips I went home and used a q-tip. Ha ha ha ha I laugh in the face of authority...until I puncture my eardrum. 

I almost never clean windows. Eric will do the job when our windows disgust him. I will sometimes wipe down the back window when it is covered with handprints and wet nose spots, but even then I really only focus on the bottom 4 feet. 

I once broke my cheek on a jungle gym.

I rarely feel nervous about public speaking, but I feel nervous when I take my car in for an oil change. I never know if I am supposed to stay in my car or go inside to check in the car. Seems I always make the wrong choice and some man, covered in grease, gives me a harsh look.

When I was 14, for just a moment, I thought I saw a unicorn on a New Mexican Air Force base. Turns out it was just an oryx with a broken horn, but for that brief moment it was convinced I was looking at a unicorn. *for the record the oryx is an African animal that was introduce to the New Mexican desert, pretty crazy to see them wandering through the Tularosa basin even if they aren't unicorns.

I am really good at spitting and burping. 

One of my favorite things is to get cold on a summer day, you know like sitting in some mountain shade by a creek, then warming myself by sitting in a hot car parked in the sun.

I know and often sing the entire soundtrack to The Sound of Music. Has to be the movie. Oddly I am not a big fan of musical theater, with the exception of The Sound of Music.

I eat a little chocolate nearly every single day.

Your turn! Please share with me some of your confessions!

Confessions

• I am not certain that I know how to pronounce ylang ylang correctly, but it is in my face wash.
• Along those lines, I once took great pride in knowing how to pronounce quinoa, now most people know how to pronounce it and my ego has deflated.
• My cold is currently, I think, in the end phase, but as it leaves my body I am sounding terrible. Cordelia asked me what was wrong with my voice today, in horror.
• Along those lines, I am currently singing along with anything and everything because it sounds just awful and that makes me laugh. I mean I am no chanteuse on a good day, but this sounds like a tortured goose.
• When Eric is away I use his absence as a free for all in my quest to consume onions and garlic and beans (wink).
• I am not too crazy about most fruit. Of course I eat it 3-5 times a day, but most of it just leaves me feeling kinda blah. Perhaps this is because I live in Wyoming and we don't exactly get the best fruit in February. Ripe and fresh fruit is a totally different story.
• Some days I don't brush my hair. I don't really need to as I sleep with my hair in braids. It's not like I walk around with a tangled dreadlock. or do I?
• I haven't had cable TV since 1999. Yep, I am one of those people. I do have Netflix, I am not a cavewoman.
• My stereotypical college dorm poster was one of the following: 1) Bob Marley 2) A John WIlliam Waterhouse Print 3) Le Chat Noir 4) Doors What do you think?

......

• Answer: Waterhouse print (this one).... What was yours?

Confessions

 

Well, 'tis the time for a new list of confessions methinks.

•  I love skunks. I think they are adorable and I kind of want to live in a cave with whole herd of them
• I like teaching high schoolers. Shhh don't tell.
• I have tiny ear canals. I don't know if that means anything... or everything.
• My first cat was named Lacey. Her name was kinda racy sounding.
• Speaking of which, when I was about 10 I wanted to name my first daughter Tawny.
• Long nails skeeve me out. I think of all the bacteria hiding out. Blargh!
• Jordan Knight is my favorite New Kid on the Block. My list goes: Jordan, Joe, John (still stand even though he's come out of the closet since I was a wee lass), Donny, Danny.
• I am late posting today because I have been busy and it slipped my mind!

Care to share some of your own confessions?

Confessions: Guilty Pleasures

My friend Sarah just inspired me with her most recent Confessions post on guilty pleasures. So, I think I must proceed with a list of my own guilty pleasures.

• I love to drive in the car and sing along with Queen. Like for real yo! I sing at the top of my lungs. I make eye contact with passing drivers as my nostrils quiver and I hit (or whatever you want to call it) a Freddie Mercury high note. Cordelia is already beginning to feel shame about her mother's behavior, but Elise still claps along. That is all the encouragement I need.
• Speaking of music. Anybody know about Kylie Minogue? People think my obsession is just a quirky thing, but it is fact. Kylie Minogue is awesome.
• Eric and I enthusiastically watched the entire series of H2O, an Australian show for tweenagers about mermaids. We even sang along with the opening theme song.
• I use a giant spoon to clean out nearly empty spaghetti sauce jars.
• I love to obnoxiously chew crushed ice, but I annoy my own self. It is a double edged sword.
• When my dogs are being overly exuberant in their welcome of company I take great pleasure in squirting them with a spray bottle of water. Now, when people are overly enthusiastic I fantasize about squirting them with the spray bottle.
• I like skunk smell. Have I confessed that before? I just love it. You do too. Think about it. When you are driving down the highway and smell skunk you sniff, then sniff again and again. You might say, "Grossssss, skunk," but you keep on sniffing. You wouldn't do that with poo. Just sayin'.
• I like to take baths. I know they aren't great for the environment, but I take them from time to time and I like it. I sit in the tub, stewing in my own brew and reading until the water is cold.

What are your guilty pleasures?
What are your guilty pleasures.

Confessions: Random, So Random

Confessional time!

• Yesterday, while eating lunch, Cordelia was talking and chewing with her mouth full of food. "Gross!" I exclaimed. "Chew with your mouth closed!" Then I realized that my mouth was full of food. Shameful.
• I refer to Walmart as Walfart. I am super classy.
• Eric and I have watched an embarrassing number of Brendan Fraser movies for kids....done before we were parents.
• I had my nose pierced for years. I had a screw in nose ring that was a spike. I started pulling it out in my sleep and flinging it across the room. That is when I stopped wearing a nose ring.
• I haven't had a professional haircut in over a year. My M.O. is to part my hair down the middle, stand in front of a mirror and trim.
• Once, in fifth grade I joined a group of onlookers as we watched Kyle and Ryan (a girl, it was small town MT folks) kiss behind the school. I was really disappointed. Kissing looked pretty dumb, no offense to 6th grade Kyle and Ryan.
• I have punched two boys. I was in elementary school. Sorry Derek and H.R. you had it coming.
• Oh wait. I also punched a boy named Chad who tried to rescue the kitten I was rescuing. Sorry Chad, you were kind of a mean boy, but probably didn't deserve that one. 
• Apparently I was a violent elementary school student.
• On that same tangent...in high school a strange girl named January offered to be my body guard. I am not sure why as I was pretty well liked and non-aggressive.
• I know I have shown this picture here before, but I feel like I must constantly own it. I confess, this is me.........................................................................................

Confessions: Sports/ Why I am not a natural athlete

• When I was in junior high I was in basketball. It seemed like a good fit. I'm tall. That's all you need right? Well, let me paint a little picture for you. Me, gangly, pimply, awkwardness embodied. I held my shirt as I ran, even if I had the ball (long story). I never made a basket, wait I think I made one free throw. It was bad folks, real bad....like adolescent nightmare bad. 
• For gym I ALWAYS changed in the bathroom stall. I pretended it was because of the rumor that the boys could see into the girl's locker room. I knew they couldn't. I was just that weird girl who lurked in the handicap stall after class/ practice.
• I had a minor heart condition in high school (it was resolved my junior year) and as a result I wasn't allowed to run the mile at the end of the semester. Normally this is like getting the golden ticket. Instead I had to walk it and the class had to sit and wait for me to finish.
• I am scared to catch softballs that make it to outfield, which is totally where I was stationed. Softballs are not soft ya'll and I do not have excellent hand eye coordination. So someone else on my team would always run over with a sigh when the ball came my way.
• I enjoyed kickball. I wasn't particularly good at it, but I feel as though I am bagging on sports, so yeah kickball was OK.
• I once broke my thumb by goofing off with 5lb weights. 
• I broke my cheek playing on a jungle gym.

Your turn

Confessions: Dumb Things From My Youth

Ahhh the flower of my youth...blossoming with opportunities for confessions.

• When I was about 4 my family was visiting my Grandma Grace. She was living next to some people who had a young horse. For some reason we were invited over to check it out. I was warned not to walk behind it. Being the type of girl who a)think animals will make exceptions for her b) doesn't like to be told what to do, I immediately walked behind the horse wherein I was kicked in the face. I have a chin scar to prove it. Cordelia regularly asks to have this story recounted.
• Horse related...in junior high I used to cut hair from some random horse who lived near my house and I would braid it in with my own. The cut end was super itchy and the braid always looked super bad.
• My opening line to Eric was, "Does it bother you that you're so short." I was 5'10" at the time and a young, pre-growth spurt, Eric was much shorter.
• When I was in elementary school I had a friend stay the night and we thought it would be hilarious to cover our teeth with pink gum and when my mom came it check in on us we'd pretend to be asleep with our mouths open (??) and she'd think our teeth had fallen out. Instead we fell asleep in the dark (my mom never saw us at all) and I ended up with not one, but two pieces of gum in my hair the following morning.
• I had a mullet at age 4.
• I purchased an MC Hammer tape at a gas station to give to my 6th grade crush for Valentine's Day.
• I kept the MC Hammer tape for myself....

Your turn!

Confessions: Pet Peeves

So, I wrote this list before the intro and reading back over it I can clearly see that I am a raging lunatic. Of course I hope you will take it all with a grain of salt as intended, but if you can't that's cool. Feel free to run screaming from your computer. Or you could make me feel better by sharing your crazy pet peeves.Don't have any pet peeves? I found a list to get you started. Click here

• I get really annoyed when news programs interview the Muppets as though they are real people and not puppets.  It's fine if it is a movie, child centered TV show, etc. However, when Matt Lauer interviews Elmo the top of my heads flies off and flames shoot out from my brain.
• I don't like to be uneven. What happens to the left side must also happen to the right side. I need a body balance.This is probably the primary reason that I stay away from slap contests as I'd have to turn the other cheek for a second slap to even things out.
• Star Wars impressions bug me. Ur, um, I mean.... Bug me, Star Wars impressions do.
• I am not a fan of grocery stores labeling the aisle that has toilet paper as "Bath Tissue." I always find myself going,"what is that weird thing that they always call the toilet paper?" as I look down the aisle, "Bum kleenex? Shower paper?" Just call it toilet paper for goodness sake. I feel very passionately about this as you can see...even though it really only just started annoying me yesterday.
• Anybody over the age of five chewing with their mouth open. This goes for gum chewing. I will not stand for it. I will not!
• This one is kind of weird and rarely does anyone witness it anymore....started when I was a little girl, like Cordelia's age. I have an issue with toe seams on socks, they CANNOT go across the front of my toes, only across the top. If the seams are super thick, just forget it. When I was a wee little lass I would freak out if my socks weren't just right. Now I just cry for an hour or two, refusing to leave the  house buy socks that fit.
• When businesses intentionally  misspell words. Something like Kwik Kopy (sorry if this is your business name, I am just a weird gal in WY, what do I know).
• Giant inflatable animals in front of sales. I am not sure if this is exactly a pet peeve, but it makes me feel like I need to bite it to bits.
• Poking me in any way. You poke my shoulder? You will be on the receiving end of a supreme death stare as I poke my other shoulder to even things out (See my second pet peeve on the list).
• Loud whispering. What is the point? Really?! Unless you are a child and don't really understand the whole concept of volume.
• Car whistling. Eric and I both find ourselves doing it on long road trips and we annoy our own selves. So we established a rule. NO WHISTLING IN THE CAR. We also added a follow up rule, NO WHISTLING IN THE CAR, APOLOGIZING FOR IT AND THEN WHISTLING SOME MORE.

Your turn!

Confessions: Body Anomalies

First confessional post of the new year. Feel free to join me. It feels gooooood!

• I do not have a Meckel's diverticulum or an appendix (both the organ and the supplementary material at the end of a book). I had them removed as part of an extreme weight loss plan...oh wait, maybe it was a surgical necessity when I was 5...either way they are gone.
• I can touch my nose with my tongue. I do not do this when I have bad breath. Lesson learned my friend, lesson learned.
• I am not sure if I have previously confessed this, but I have 6 (4 full fledged and two halfsies) double jointed toes. I inherited this trait from my mother's side of the family and I passed it along to my girls. I am proud of this.
• I was once kicked in the face by a horse and I have the brain damage scar on my chin to prove it.
• My hair is curly underneath and straight on top. When I get my hair cut this is about the only hair related topic I can cover with the stylist before lapsing into an uncomfortable silence.
• I spent a summer (embarrassingly I was an adult) trying to train myself to be ambidextrous. I was not successful. 
• I have two top wisdom teeth that I hope to keep until my death at the age of 116 (or older). The teeth made their appearance in 2001. The dentist has confirmed that there are no bottom wisdom teeth....why? Why?!
• I have small ears. I like to think they are adorably tiny and not freak show tiny. 
• I once bit through my own lip because I am so hardcore was in a car accident.
• I have had several piercings (what I come from the 90s), but currently only my ears are pierced.

OK I could keep going, but I think it is getting weird. Join me?

Confessions

• I have a problem with yarn. I have way too much of it. I crochet a lot, but my stash of yarn never seems to dwindle.
• I don't like to wear logos.Why do I care? Because I think paying companies to advertise their product is akin to hiring a doctor to remove an arm and then using my own disembodied fist to punch myself. I will, on the other hand, gladly advertise for ketchup, pickles and Montana---free of charge.Yes, I do realize that a certain brand was all over yesterday's blog, but that is my husband's thing yo.
• My first cat was named Lacey. I am kind of embarrassed that my first cat had a stripper moniker...all apologies to people named Lacey.
• I am no fan of video games, but I am kind of awesome at Dr. Mario and Mrs. PacMan.
• One of my front teeth is slightly wonky. Sometimes it catches my lip when I smile and the result is a strange grimace. So if you are the recipient of a strange grimace it is probably just that....unless you did something grimace worthy.
• My childhood bedroom was pink as in the exact color of a certain bismol/bismuth. It was also decorated with blue sponged hearts.
• I recently bribed Cordelia with pickle juice. She wasn't eating her meal and I said, "Eat your dinner and you can have a glass of pickle juice." She did and loved her pickle juice reward.
• I sing in a very loud operatic voice when I am happy. Eric loves it most when I do this first thing in the morning. Cordelia thinks it is cool. Elise smiles when I do it, though she also smiles if I burp.
• I love to walk barefoot outside in the grass, one of my favorite things in this world.

Do you have anything to confess?

Confessions

Our friend Josh recently shared with me that he enjoyed my confessions post and I decided to make it a semi-regular feature as I have a lot to confess...

• I am absolutely convinced that my left thumb nail grows faster than my other nails.
• When I don't wear eyeliner people tell me that I look tired. I don't like this, even if I am tired.
• Not a big cilantro fan
• I do not sing in the shower, but I like to whistle after showering.
• I have no interest in skiing...I think it's against the law in these parts. Seriously I half expect a torchlit mob to run me out of town after this posting.
• When I was a kid I used to make gum and tea by mixing toothpaste and water. Yum!
• I have 6 double-jointed toes and  I am proud.
• Incidentally I am very pedi-dexterous.
• I have terrible posture, developed after pregnancy, and I fear that I will soon be a hunchback.
• I like the word glandular.
• I am totally insane for grilled pineapple.
• I can (and sometimes do) drink vinegar. Creeps Eric out and probably now you too.

OK, I think that I have probably over-shared enough for today. Please join me.

Confessions

 

I just realized that it has been over a year since I did a confessional blog(last one here). Not sure if that is important, but why not? So, here we go. I need to get a few things off of my chest...
Confessions

• I am currently eating a handful of vegan chocolate chips...and it won't be the last handful I eat today.
•  When we moved into our house the previous homeowner warned us that we needed to have a plumber clear out the pipes under our tree twice a year. I kept putting it off and today is the day of reckoning. Roto-rooter is en route.
• My house is a mess. I think it looks mostly clean, but my housekeeping skills have gone to hell in a hand-basket since I became a mother of two. I am not on top of things as I was a few short months ago.
• I often spot errors in my blog and I am too lazy to correct them.
• I love watching terrible movies. I am talking everything from Bring it On 4 to Abe Lincoln Zombie Hunter. My husband does too. Any recommendations?
• I recently killed most of my houseplants. I am not sure what happened, but all but the sturdiest fell victim to some unseen plant plague.
• I hate green beans. Seriously, they make me gag. I try to hide it when I am in front of others and take a polite bite, but then I gag and it is way way worse than just refusing the beans in the first place.
• I do not seek out celebrity trivia, but for some reason I have a knack for retention of celebrity facts. I am something of a savant when it comes to celebrity baby names. I am not proud of this.
• I used to have a gap in between my two front teeth and it has disappeared. I miss it because I could squirt water through it and I never had to floss.

Anything you need to confess?