Wednesday, July 26, 2017

Confessions: Food Edition

I am pretty sure I  have had a food confessions in the past. Whatever. My father has been asking for another confessions post, probably because they are my weirdest posts. So let's dive into this biz-ness.

I don't get chai. So many people love it, but my mouth is super confused by chai. Apparently people want me to love it or assume that I already do as I am often gifted with chai. I always give it my best effort, but it just isn't my thang.

Speaking of my thang, here are foods that are not my thang:
•Anything not vegan, der.
•Kohlrabi, no flavor! Just because you can eat something doesn't mean you should. We need to take a stand somewhere.When I was a kid and my parents forced me to try it I shoved it into my mouth and walked to the bathroom where I disposed of it.
• Cilantro is a cilantNO
•Hominy is also homiNO
•If you want to become my mortal enemy you will make me eat canned green beans. Honestly that is my idea of hell, an eternity of canned green beans. Ack, even writing it is triggering my gag reflex. BARF

When I use a lot of spices in the kitchen I feel like a witch. Bonus points when I have dried the herbs myself. Extra bonus points if they come from witchy jars. I will say to myself "eye of newt" or whatever as I sprinkle in my witchy ingredients.

I am not a big fan of cake. I mean it's fine or whatever, but I don't really understand why it is a staple of weddings and birthdays. There are plenty of other desserts in the celebration sea.

I love tomato paste. One of my favorite things is to eat a sloppy combo of tomato paste, crumbled tofu and ground veggie meat. I will sit in a corner and gobble that mixture like I am Gollum hoarding the ring.

I use a giant spoon to clean out jarred pasta sauce. I have even been known to pour jarred sauce into a container when I have no plan to immediately use it, just to have at the jar with a big spoon. 

I freeze all of my chocolate so that I can really crunch it when I have a hankering for chocolate. If you are wondering just when I have a hankering for chocolate the answer is always and always.

When I was a kid we had this dinosaur book and it showed a drawing of one dino feasting on the corpse of another, but the guts looked exactly like lasagna and it always made me hungry for lasagna.

1 comment:

Clare in CA said...

I also do not understand chai.. and brownies actually make me feel aggravated because people love them and I really don't..

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