Close Encounter

Thursday afternoon I decided to take the girls on a stroll along the river pathway. They wanted to gather some new stuff for the nature table and I was eager to spend some time near the water. 

We drove down to the river and I parked near a small stone wall. I was about to hop out of the car to my doom when I felt  the icy hands of fate  tickling my spine. Afraid, I scanned to horizon. Nothing. What could it be, something unsettling, unnatural even?

I felt it clearly then. Her eyes, black as the deepest abyss, were peering into my very soul. A squirrel. I am not convinced that squirrels are a natural phenomenon. I am pretty sure that they are pure evil. Just putting that out there. I know, you are probably aghast at this nature and animal loving vegan having trouble with squirrels.    You are just going to have to accept this about me; while I do not hate them, I fear squirrels. Deeply.

Anyway, where were we? Ah yes, I sat in my car frozen by fear. I had the presence of mind to take photos so that in the event of our disappearance it would be clear that this was the culprit...

I was feet away from a fate worse than death. The squirrel wasn't going to move, in fact she seemed to be waiting patiently    for something (my demise). The girls were in their car seats and were growing impatient. I knew it was time to act. I contemplated leaving, just driving away. It seemed like the most logical option. I reached over to put the car in drive and I spotted the crackers. Now before I go on let's just put this out there, don't feed wild animals it is a bad idea. Just know that I was desperate. I rolled down my window the minimum amount necessary to shove out a cracker. The squirrel reared up on her unholy haunches and I could see she was pregnant. Horror!  I tossed the cracker and she flew at it with lightning speed before teleporting herself into a tree to watch and wait...and eat a cracker.

I burst into action. Running around the car to get my girls out from the car and hustling away from the violent animal. 

We managed to have a lovely riverside walk and gathered several new items for the nature table. Then it was time to return to the car. I knew she would be waiting for me. I approached cautiously, protective of my young children. She was nowhere in sight. I scrambled to get the girls safely locked into their car seats and run around to the driver's side, flinging my body into the safety of the car as I heard the telltale scramble of tiny devilish nails, clawing their way up the stone wall. I was afraid to look and yet I had to look. Perhaps it was just to confirm my darkest fear. There she was in front of me. I felt her dark presence enter my mind and whisper in squirrel speak,"give me your last cracker and you shall live." So I tossd the last cracker out the window and floored it. We survived to tell this dark and cautionary tale.

Mystery Chimney

Many of you know that we recently moved into a quirky rental house. The longer we live here the more we notice the little things that are just a bit off about it. I think the house has gone through many incarnations and reflects a little something from each change it's been through. The floors aren't entirely level, the walls play fast and loose with the notion of a straight line. Really I don't mind, it kind of reflects what type of gal I am. I respect a good guesstimate (estimate+ guess= guesstimate) and clearly many of them have been employed in the creation of our humble abode.

The other day I was returning from a walk when I took a look at our roof. I noticed that there was a chimney right on top. What?! There is no fireplace in my house, not even the remnants of a fireplace. How could that be? I went inside and took a look around, secretly hoping that somewhere, somehow I had missed a room with a warm cozy fireplace. Not that I want to start a fire right now, it's crazy hot, but it would be nice this winter. I tried to look in the general location below the chimney. I looked in closets and cupboards. I searched the ceiling for some sign that there had once been bricks. Alas, I couldn't find the secret room with the fireplace.

I mentioned the chimney to Eric and he had to commence his own search as well. I guess it's just human nature. Anyway, neither of us could find any indication that there had ever been a fireplace in this house. So, either the house has just been totally gutted and refurbished or there is a tiny fireplace in the attic. We're not allowed in the crawlspace attic and I don't think we'd want to go in there anyway. So, this winter you'd better believe I will be looking for any telltale smoke coming from that chimney. If I see it I will know without a doubt that there is a gang of squirrels living in the attic using a charming little fireplace.