I went to sleep Sunday night with a sick feeling in my stomach. This was to be the first time that Cordelia had been left with a non-family member. In the dark of night I ran through ridiculous scenarios in my mind. What if there was a tornado while she was in school? Or the fire suddenly spread and covered several miles in the blink of an eye? Or a super-volcano in Yellowstone decided to erupt? I also had more practical worries like: Will Cordelia feel confident asking to use the restroom? Will she have fun? Is this the right thing to do?---I am admittedly a
Anyway, morning came. Cordelia awoke with great enthusiasm. I was very careful to foster her excitement for the big day. Eric was able to go into work a little late so he could see that our first born was OK. We went through the morning routine. Cordelia was dressed and ready to go. Photos were taken.
This is the face she gives when asked to smile...
Oh that backpack is so big on our little girl. The school requires standard size backpacks.
We left the house with enough time to get there a bit early. Looking up at the mountain we could see clouds of smoke billowing up into the blue sky. I tried not to let the fire in the mountains match my mood for the morning. I kept telling myself, it's just preschool, it's not every day, etc.
Cordelia, on the other hand, was so eager to get there. We reviewed her teacher's name, who to go to when she needs something, etc. Then we were there. We walked inside and went through the check in process.
Cordelia was excited. We said goodbye and assured her that we would soon be back for her. When we were leaving she hesitated for a moment. I was doing everything in my power not to cry in front of her and I was on the edge of the edge. She was instantly distracted and happy. We left. I cried. Actually I later described it as an ugly cry. My heart was breaking. There was such drama and emotional turmoil. I simply wanted to run back in and grab my girl...but of course I didn't. The whole drama was occuring inside of me. Oh the pain of growing up is hard for parents. I swear, the door to her preschool room closed and her entire childhood flashed before my eyes. Letting go, even a little bit, is so hard.
So, we left. Eric was stoic.I indulged in my motherly moment of hysteria. Then it was almost time to pick Cordelia up. She was, of course, so happy. She had a great time, made a friend, she likes her teacher and she spent the rest of the day singing a new song she had learned.
Perhaps I am willing to admit a bit of an overreaction here. Yes, it sucks to let go of one phase, but how amazing it is to watch this child grow into the vibrant person she is meant to be. I have a duty to nurture her outgoing spirit and her inquisitive mind.