Thursday, October 2, 2014
Too Busy or Not Too Busy, that is the Question
I am a bit torn. Part of me wants to stop and smell the flower(s)....leaves, soil, air, whatever. I dream about laying in the grass on a handmade quilt (not made by me) with freshly made lemonade and a good book. Or better yet, a stack of books. In this dream my hair falls in perfect bohemian waves, perhaps there are some flowers woven in during a leisurely stroll through a meadow. I am wearing a long flowing dress, probably a flower pattern. My daughters play or daydream or make wishes on dandelions. They are, naturally, also dressed like little bohemians. Eric probably strums a mandolin, possibly pausing to check on his craft beer or to talk to a tamed pet crow (a rescue) that he has taught to speak.
I have time to complete my thoughts, all of them (oh can you imagine?). I get to daydream and log roll through sweet blades of grass or rest in a nest of freshly fallen leaves/snow/blossoms. I can work in the garden, but not too hard---cuz you know you gotta be gentle with the earth.
Perhaps we live in a van. Maybe I home-school. Or unschool. I don't worry about money or deadlines or anything. Ahhh, what a dream.
But then there is the other side of me...
I feel the urgent call of each and every moment. I am constantly aware that I only have so much time in a day/minute/month/decade. I need to suck the (vegan) marrow from every.single.moment. I want to paint, write, sculpt, read, play, mother, wife (you can wife right?), love, live, go, do. These dreams of filling every single second with living are intense. I dress awesomely every day. My hair and make-up are so cool, yet look effortless. I bake cookies, I actively engage the kids. I answer every email. I send out thank-you cards and thinking of you cards. I make direct eye contact. I let every person I encounter know that I value them. My pets are all walked, fed, played with at exactly the moment they need it. The girls learn French and Spanish. We travel. We make our own bread every time we need bread. Our food is always healthy and beautifully presented. The house? Immaculate. Eric and I have mastered topical info, are up to date with all of the books we want to read, we are present and engaged for every moment of every day. When we fall asleep it is power sleep, just to re-energize.
I suppose that neither of those dreams are ever going to be my reality. Did I ever tell you that my brothers call me a gothic hippie? I am not sure what that means, but I feel like I may have just defined it...who knows?
Anyway it is a constant struggle with me. Should I do more or less? I imagine the answer is different every day and probably changes within a given day. What about you? What do you think?