Wednesday, March 18, 2015

Confessions: Just One Story


Friday afternoon I was at the craft supply store buying supplies for my Saturday six year old art class. The girls and I were standing in an aisle as I pondered the selection. Elise and Cordelia were sort of freely exploring as there were lots of interesting items for little hands. We were alone in the aisle so I didn't really mind that they were owning the place. 

A woman, probably in her early 60s, came around the corner. She looked like a kindly grandmother/crafter type, but one who wouldn't appreciate the shenanigans of my girls. So I told Cordelia to calm down and I picked up Elise. I continued to look for my art supply necessities. 

The woman came and stood uncomfortably close to me. I shifted a little to the side and she came even closer. Then I smelled it, an unholy scent. It was awful! Like the kind of gas that can melt the eyeballs right out of your face.

Seriously I had never smelled anything so horrible.

Now before I continue let me just say that I am normally very well-mannered. I also have an extremely expressive face. I have almost no control over the expressions that my face makes. My face just reflects what is in my heart...

So when this woman, who insisted on standing weirdly close, passed awful smelling gas right next to me I made a face. I couldn't help it!!! My nostrils flared in horror, my lips curled in repulsion, and I looked at her with a glare that almost certainly read as "How dare you?!" She scuttled off, but we kept running into this woman and there was always this cloud of stink. I am not a fart-shamer (that is a real thing trust me) I get that we all pass gas. I was just shocked at the brazen confidence of a person who would unleash a very very very sick smelling fart while choosing to stand so very close to another person.

Unfortunately the confession story doesn't end with a rude look for someone who probably was feeling a little under the weather.  You see when we got into the car I smelled that disgusting odor again. The woman was nowhere to be seen. Then I hear Elise shout,"Who tooted!? It was me, I tooted." Yep, it had been the child in my arms passing the gas. The sick smell, I would soon learn, was the result of her gastroenteritis. So, to the poor older woman who kept walking into my child's stink cloud and getting a look from me, I am sorry! I am also sorry to anyone who ever receives an uncontainable look from my overly expressive face.


Melodee said...

I have been having one of those sucky mornings and this story was just what I needed to make me laugh! Hilarious!

Sarah Purdy said...

Hilarious!! Best use of an Indiana Jones scene in a Confession blog post ever!!! Sorry Elise's stink was a harbinger of evil. Ooof.

Anonymous said...

You made me laugh so hard Maria Rose... I hope Elise's flatulence is a little less smelly as time goes by... LOL

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