Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Letting Go in Increments and **Bonus


Last night, after dinner, we took a family hike alongside Garden Creek. The sun was gentle under the green canopy, only a few lines of soft yellow light made it through the matrix of heavy leaves to the ground. There were wildflowers everywhere. Humming birds were zipping above us. A soft breeze kept the perfumed air moving over our skin in a gentle current, it was really an extraordinary evening.

I held my daughter's tiny hand in my own as we walked along. I felt each of her tiny digits flexing and wiggling in excitement when she would spot something interesting. Her purple fabric shoes were covered in dust from her staggering toddler gait along the rocky trail. Her golden curls bouncing with each step. She would pull my hand saying,"Cooome on Mom," as she looked up with those imploring blue eyes, rimmed with her daddy's dark lashes. Sometimes she would become inexplicably timid and she would turn to me quickly. I would pick her up and she would bury her head in my shoulder, tucking her arms under mine. Oh the feeling of being a mother.


We stopped alongside the creek so she could throw rocks in (a favorite activity of any self-respecting child). We threw in things that floated and things that sunk. Then, she just decided that she wanted to walk straight into the creek. I held her back for a moment, just a moment. The water was only a couple of inches deep and after a spilt second decision I let her go to explore just out of my reach.



I don't know, maybe I am just one of those overly sentimental types (maybe or definitely?), but I couldn't help but think of how many times I am going to have to let her go, just a little bit more each time. How important it is that I never hold her back or push her too hard (no pressure right?) as she faces her future.


She played and splashed, talking to us as she did her own thing. I watched with joy as she discovered the water, the life under the water and had her own beautiful experience with nature. While a part of me aches that I have to let her go I am so grateful that it is happening in increments. I am just so thankful to watch this girl become whoever it is that she is going to be.

***Also, may I direct your attention to a new photo blog...Eric's. Please check out We Dug Trenches (wedugtrenches.tumblr.com). He is posting a photo a day. If you like today's photos (he took them all) or just good photography in general, then check it out. I love that it is just one photo, but it really suggests a larger narrative. Please check it out!!!


affectioknit said...

What a fun day! I loved the photos!

Kate said...

I still cry with every time I have to let go of SONshine and now I've added my daughter. I'm careful not to let them see my aching, but it does hurt a little. I miss being SONshine's sole confidante. I miss being the only person my babes want {only a short phase of their life.} When he's in school, I miss him being with me. "Miss" took on a real almost corporeal meaning for me with children; it was no longer a slightly regretful word, but an actual pang, a verb, a state of being. And the thing that keeps "miss" from eating me alive is pride. I'm proud my children are growing safely and well. I hope to always encourage them, because if I DO show how much I want them to remain mine, I'm doing them a disservice.

Jesse @ Happy Go Lucky Vegan said...

What beautiful pictures of the outdoors and your daughter! I'm glad you shared - they brightened my day!

Court said...

Awww... how sweet. I agree it is hard. Kaiya keeps getting bigger and bigger and it's like you want to hit the pause button sometimes.

Emily said...

Beautifully written, my friend! And we will be checking out Eric's site!

Keia Kato-Berndt said...

Aw, this is lovely and the photos are (of course) great. Cordelia is getting so big! Anyway, reading these posts make me look forward to being a mother :) Will definitely check out Eric's blog.

Kirsten said...

You should write a book! I love the way you describe things. I would totally buy it :)

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